Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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