What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
