I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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