i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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