i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
