9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
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