my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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