Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
