The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
