I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
