The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
