you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
