Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
