I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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