Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
well you can't waste a boner
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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