He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
