I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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