Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
