hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
And then he peed in my hair
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