my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
