Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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