She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
