so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I met the friendliest cop last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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