ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
