I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My breath smells like gin and sadness
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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