i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
