Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
