Where is the hickey?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize