my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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