She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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