So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
