I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
