my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
