i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
