We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
