My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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