Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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