I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
