LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
