So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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