Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
