Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
