Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
