I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
