I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize