It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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