You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
