Where are you?
In a non slutty way
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
