One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
How does it feel to date your dad?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
