Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
