his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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