Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize