I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
