Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
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