I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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