didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
