You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize