Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We left the knife in your bed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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