Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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