I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
