My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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