we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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