remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
