I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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