Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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